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Crucifying The Resurrection

This week I was in conversation, I use the term loosely, with a fundie. No, not a fundie, one of those who have bought into the myth "hook, line, sinker and copy of angling times". Anyway this er, religious, person laid out for me one of the Christian 'proofs'. It was not, as one might expect, an answer to a question but, as usual, a seemingly unanswerable question in place of an answer; as seems the way of those who wish to believe.
The point the religious person was trying to make ran something like this; I'm paraphrasing:

"Jebus was obviously a magic god or what-have-you,
coz how could a 3 days dead human move the tombstone?"

So, as it does, the probability engine between my ears started its infernal whirring and this time it had a look at the the crucifixion and resurrection through the eyes of Jonathon Creek. (No, not really, it's just an analogy. :)
I'm not going to repeat the fable, there are bible references at the end if you need a recap.

As it turns out, the Jonathon Creek view of the Zombie Jebus fable looks way different...
1. It was common for people to give the crucified, poison; to speed their death. It is said Jebus refused.
2a. Assume for a moment that the Roman soldier who stabbed Jebus didn't want him to suffer and, knowing he'd refuse poison, stabbed him as an act of mercy to speed death.
2b. Even also muse on the likelihood that Roman soldiers, being only human and not actual monsters, might have regularly done this.
3. Consider that Jebus was reclaimed by his kin but only seemed dead to the Romans who wanted to go home for dinner.
4. Suppose that secreted inside the tomb, there were medical supplies, food and water.
5. Speculate that Jebus came round as the stone rolled closed, collected the medical supplies and sowed up his wounds.
6. Suggest that he ate and slept and regained enough strength to roll the stone back or was helped so to do.
7. It's fair to conclude that none ever spoke of it, so as to protect Jebus and he went on to be a...?

This forms a list of conditions and actions, none of which are individually impossible. Yeah, we can put the weak point that there's no evidence to support these conjectures but as we're talking about a tale of which we have only bullet points, one could easily counter with 'there's insufficient evidence to rule them out' and, for me, almost any chain of implausible but rational causalities1 trumps one 'impossible' event or, as that adage is more commonly repeated...

When you eliminate the impossible(resurrection)
whatever remains,(1-7) must be the truth.

The resurrection fable is only 'astonishing' if you accept the chain of events laid out in the Bible but examine an alternative chain, using exactly the same bullet point details as are told in the tale, as I have above, and it looks completely achievable.
So why the hell is it still allowed to be taught as if it is the full facts of the matter?

This is one of the Too Many Questions


1 Magic And Mumbo Jumbo Test
Thanks to "Red Dwarf" for the "copy of angling times" quote.
And to Jonathon Creek and Sherlock Holmes for collaborating in this post.

Please leave a comment - Anything will do
The best communications are often,
Relevant references for the mentioned myth
Matthew 27:27 - 28:20
Mark 15:21 - 16:8
Luke 23:26 - 24:12
John 19:16 - 20:18


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Please be aware this blog may be considered Illegal almost anywhere!

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