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Humanity and Religion - Recipe for Disaster?

I was surfing recently, looking for suitable fodder upon which to blog.
It was a dry day for stories of the religious nonsense, a surprise, as usually the news is replete with the faithful displaying their deluded wares.
Anyway, I was sitting staring at the no news, pondering on the components of religion, and hit upon the title you saw above.
What comes next is what came next. LOL. I hope you enjoy.

Recipe for Human disaster

First take any standard human and marinate in a million years of fear and darkness.
Then take a bowl of an exceedingly specific size and pour in a goodly measure of 'the desperate need to be more than you were born'. Add your marinated human, a good dash of 'guilt' and stir in a spoonful of 'pomposity'.
Grate in more 'self-delusion' than you'd expect then whisk in the zeal of two Gestapo officers until the mixture takes on a mousse like quality.
Set it on a stand, higher than the surrounding bowls, while you grease a large saucepan with scripture, tenet or dogma (the choice and brand is unimportant as all do much the same thing.)
Transfer the mousse to the saucepan and place reverently on stove, turn heat up to full stupidity.
Boil out logic and reason, then grind on some 'self-righteousness' and simmer in the 'myth of eternity', until a thin crust forms. This is known as the 'Religious Delusion Cocoon' or RDC.
At this point the centre has been transformed to pulp; a soft, pliable and easily manipulated substance called a 'soul'
Remove from Pan and hand unclothed to chosen witchdoctor for his little 'welcome to the world' dance. Again, here the brand is irrelevant. If possible, ensure the chosen witchdoctor injects as much 'essence of insignificance' as the RDC can accommodate at this point, it'll save questions later.
Take back from witchdoctor and, praying the whole time, raise in an ignorance-oven, stupidity mark 6, until the word Darwin is meaningless and sounds the same as Satan.
SERVES: None

USES:
Particularly suited to situations which call for intolerance, misunderstanding, pride, snobbishness, and any number of obnoxious character traits born of the misplaced confidence in pseudo-eternity.

Extra Notes:-
To preserve - Add a sprig of prudishness, a ladle of judgmental intolerance and store in a stupor pot covered in a sheet of reasonproof paper.
Also, for a truly 'viral' religious human add roller skates, a dash of blissful ignorance, some dehydrated arrogance and a soupcon of thinly veiled threats and, taking care to cover it's eyes with wool, send it on its way with a copy of this recipe.


FINALLY:
This recipe is not a toy, it's powerful evil magic for the creation of a deadly weapon. A weapon of last resort. It should not be entrusted to any sorcerer under five centuries of age.
Because of the likely dire consequences if even one
of these dangerous beings got amongst the general population, any magic-user intending to conjure this recipe must
UNDER PAIN OF DEATH
log his magic-plan with the magic users commission BEFORE he commences.






Crispy Sea
©2008



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Crispy
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If you enjoy what you read here
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