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21 days in May
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Scripture Scramble Religious Gameshow

Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the finest faith based entertainment show on TV...

Scr-r-r-iptur-r-r-re Scrambl-l-l-l-le.

Before the break, Ahmed Henry O'Toole won through to the final; gaining full marks in the three rounds, which this week were ‘Toadying to the tenet’, ‘The persecution piƱata’ and, ever popular with you my lovely, lovely viewers, ‘Prostration or Castration.’
Ahmed, now has the right to make his ‘dogma decision’ and choose a new faith or switch faiths with complete impunity and, proverbially speaking, nail his descendants to a death cult or religious faith for generations to come.
Any ideas Ahmed; know what you want? What will it be?”

“I quite fancy some general light prayer, Rick, you know. Or some meditation maybe; just as and when I feel like it. Or maybe some special powers like, er, ooh, bringing things back to life maybe or healing, that would be nice but really, Rick, like everyone else who comes on here, I have to be honest, I'm looking for a way to cheat death and live forever. I’m after the star prize, Rick.”

“Our famous after-life boat, eh? The Scripture Scramble No-Strings Death Escape Pod? Well, it might be your lucky day, Ahmed because, I know for a fact, we do have something like that in our prize line up. So, Ahmed Henry O'Toole?”

“Yes, Rick.”

“Are you ready for me to reveal what we've got in store for you tonight?”

“I am Rick.”

“Not too nervous? No? Good, ok, here we go then, let's give you some details so you can determine a doctrine!”
Rik looks at the audience, his cheeky smile revealing a twinkling tooth and adds “I wonder what he'll pick?...

Good luck Ahmed…

IN Box 1...

Genital mutilation for all your male children and a lifetime supply of little boxes with chin straps included & bald spot hiding caps, or for all adult males and...” he looks off set questioningly; shake's his head in response then continues, “...and a lifetime of wig wearing, apparently, for the ladies.”

IN Box 2...

Genital mutilation for all male children, peer pressure to wear rain pants and long beards for adult males, and a lifetime of social pressure to wear black sacks with the option of genital mutilation for all females.

IN Box 3...

A lifetime of guilt & self loathing, the soul destroying & demeaning act of rocking up to a fifty year old male virgin and telling him all about your filthiest thoughts, that’s with the super deluxe family enforced guilt edition, for the whole family, for all of their lives, with the optional extra of unexpected paedophilia thrown in; that's perpetrated against you and yours, not by you and yours, if that makes a difference? I'm personally not sure which would have been better there!

IN Box 4...

A general disdain for all things sexy, a love for cardigans and coffee mornings, and banal Smalltalk followed by judgmental observations of other members of family friends and neighbours which again is the deluxe family edition.

IN Box 5...

An urge to shake, rattle & roll your biblical booty to the most pious proponents of Faith Rock and pretend to be filled with the spirit of the Lord Jesus; commonly referred to, as you are probably aware, as speaking in tongues but you might also know it as looklikeaprickitus.

IN Box 6...

Seemingly bizarre respect for cattle and a multiple lifetimes fearing of reincarnation as a dung beetle or child killing parasitic worm.

IN Box 7...

No enforced weird sexual hang ups, the same ability as anyone else to live a good or bad life and no mutilation of any kind for you or any of your family, unless you so choose.

Now, Ahmed, before you make your final decision there's a final twist...”
Audience lets out an “Oo-o-oh.”
“With all but one of the boxes you'll also be expected to pay a weekly membership fee.”
Audience lets out an “B-oo-o-oh.”
“However, in one of the boxes, and only one, as you hoped, there is an eternity of special prizes for you...”
Audience cheers.

“but for you ALONE, Ahmed.
None of your family will benefit.
Their fate is in their hands.

“Oh, it's so hard Rick!”

“Must hurry you.”

“I am intrigued by box 4, I do like coffee mornings and my granny is always saying how lovely I'd look in a cardigan but the banal smalltalk’s a serious downer.”

The studio audience start shouting out box numbers.

“Come on Ahmed, come on, the clock's ticking!”

“And only one has the big super-duper prize!”

“Ok, time's up, I must have an answer...”

Instant hush in the studio.

“Err, er, no; it IS tempting Rick but I’m going play safe and go with box 7. At least that way all my family will be as whichever god made them.”

“Really, I can't tempt you with eternity?”

“At such a cost Rick, I don't think so.”

“Fair enough, Ahmed, if that’s your choice; then it’s no winners or losers this week, ladies and gents.
This week we saw Ahmed win through to leave here the same way as he arrived. And a very happy man he seems. Tune in midweek for our monthly special “Circumciser, circumcision” when we'll settle another brother and sister dispute settled, where you get to judge, and the winner gets to chop the sexy bits off one unlucky boy or girl, all in the name of their Holy maker-r-r-r-r...
And don't forget to join us next week for another ...

Scrrripturrrre Scrambllllle!”

Until then people,
Rick loves Ya and Rick leaves Ya
with just a few words...
Box 7...
You know it makes Zense, right?

This is one of the Too Many Questions

Please leave a comment - Anything will do
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21 days in May

Please be aware this blog may be considered Illegal almost anywhere!

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